Liberation from the Chains of Oppression

I know it has been a while since my last post, but here is the sum-up of my summer. God did a lot of molding, breaking, and healing.

When I left CBU in the spring, I had plans to go to summer school, Central Asia, and back to Tennessee, but as my summer progressed God closed doors and kept me in Bakersfield. I was extremely disappointed but that was God’s way of saying, “Slow down and let’s work through some things together.” Last December, when I returned from Kenya, I asked God to continue transforming my life in America.

Because I do not know how to slow down, God changed my plans so I had more time available for him. God overpowered Satan’s lies with truth and uncovered the freedom in Christ I craved. I had nothing to give other people because I needed help myself. I revisited the 10-year-old girl inside myself who never healed from her painful memories. She asked God to help her accept the past, forgive, and liberate her from destructive emotions and replace them with attributes of Christ. At just the right time I released the 10-year-old girl living in pain and discovered a young woman blessed beyond her imagination.

I learned God does not want us to run from our problems. He wants us to rely on him as he carries us through the hard times so we can grow closer to him and share our victories with other people as a story of his love.

Hard times come with the Christian life. Too many of us suppress them thinking we need to move on and get over it. This was my attitude but I learned how destructive it was and changed it. Satan tried to keep me down and I believed his lies for too long.

The healing God did in my life this summer will benefit my ministry and strengthen my walk with Christ. I want everyone to know something about me: I am not an amazing person who is immune from the world’s problems. I do not share my struggles with many people. The same issues people use as excuses for failing are the same issues God uses to draw me closer to him. I have been affected by and gone through a countless number of heavy issues the church labels as “worldly.” God is amazing. He keeps me going and gives me strength when I am ready to give up. He numbs the pain, but allows me to experience it, so I can grow to be a stronger person and follower of Christ.

I am now back at school with an amazing staff of girls who are becoming more like family as the days pass. This summer showed me how much more I need to be in prayer and the girls I work and live with are strong prayer warriors. When someone says they are going through a difficult time we immediately stop, hold hands, and pray for that person and over the situation. We all love God and have similar interests. I could not have asked for a better staff to serve with this year nor could I have asked for better leadership to be under. God blessed me more than I ever imagined. I am already learning and growing and can not even imagine how much more is to come. God is amazing! I love him more and more every day. Everyday I discover how much he loves me by the people he places in my life and the events he allows me to take part in. He is the love of my life. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. :-)

An Answered Prayer

I do not know how many of you actually keep up with Zimbabwe, but things are looking better since the beginning of February. An article I read on Zimbabwesituation.com said the country's new Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai is working for a better Zimbabwe. He told teachers, doctors, and government officials to return to work, because he will pay them in foreign currency. Foreign currency is the only way people can survive in the country, because their Zimbabwean dollar lost all worth. Along with paying people in foreign currency he is requesting aid from other countries to help bring his country back to the place it once was.
For over 20 years President Robert Mugabe ran the government but since he took control, the country has only been getting worse. His regime works for its own benefit and suppresses the minority tribes.
Now that Tsvangirai is in power he is working for his people, trying to regain all they lost. He admitted the depravity citizens endured and continues to look for restoration for his people. South Africa, America, and many other countries are looking to pull the country out of its unstable mess it found itself in.
I have been praying for that country since late last year and am so excited to see these changes being made now. I knew something would be done about the instability and immorality in their government, but did not expect another government official to be the catalyst in the movement.
I still love Zimbabwe and can not get it out of my heart. It would love to go back and help out the country, but that is not an option now. The most I can do is pray for them and use the gift of words God gave me to share about their hardships and trials, urging people to pray and act accordingly. I serve a great God and I am excited to see my prayers answered so fast. I feel I served the people of Zimbabwe by praying for them and sharing their story. They can not physically be in America but they are always here with me- in my thoughts, prayers, and pictures.
I thank God all the time for allowing me to see and meet such loving but hopeless people, because it motivates me to work harder and to share my story with others.
I get so frustrated with some people in America sometimes, because I saw so much desperation in Zimbabwe and some live like there is not a care in the world.

I feel seeing such conditions are both a blessing and a curse. I appreciate more but hurt more too. It hurts to know I have everything I ever wanted, but some people dream to eat a piece of bread in the morning and will die from hunger that night. It is hard when I hear people call material and unnecessary things necessities. We have become accustomed to hearing, “I need this new phone,” or “I need name-brand clothes,” but it’s only something our over indulgence and materialistic society brainwashed us to think. Do you need expensive name-brand clothes? Will you die without them?

When people say they are starving I want to cry and share stories of people I met who are literally starving. They honestly have no idea what the concept of starving is. I don’t either but I saw, touched, and hugged people who have not eaten anything edible in months.
I have a visual image that I can not erase that reminds me to use my resources wisely and to share the story I learned while there. I am so grateful that Tsvangirai is working for his people and that God is answering my prayers through this man. God is amazingly amazing. He’s more than I could ever ask for or imagine.

resource used-www.zimbabwesituation.com

Two months later and struggling more than expected

So... it has been a while since my last update. I feel like so much is going on and I am trying to keep up with life before I fall behind. I left Kenya two months ago. Not a day goes by where I do not think about what I left behind.
This past month was harder for me than the first after I returned to the States. Everything reminds me of my time overseas. My friends are a great support, but I am seeing God as my only support who understands me. God is still healing me of my past hurts. His The people who are helping have no idea how far their encouragement is going. God is so amazing!!!

It is so hard to eat in my school cafeteria, because there is so much waste. I try to get the images and facts of Zimbabwe out of my mind, but I can not help but think about them. I consider my thoughts as both a blessing and cursing. God allowed me to see desperation at its highest and now my lifetsyle and thoughts are changing because of it-this is a good thing. God is so amazing and I have been leaning on him through it all.
I shared my story last night with my college group. I was overcome with tears. I shared a little about my childhood with more details than I would normally give, then lead into my time spent in Kenya.
God can and does use anyone. Everyday I continue learning how unperfect I am and how much more I need to change. If he can use a hurt and broken fool like me he can use anyone.
I shared pictures of my time overseas and held back tears as memories flowed back to the forefront of my mind. It was so hard to see pictures of my family, because I miss them so much and hope they still see me as part of their family. Everytime God gives me a chance to share I become more grateful for what he did in my life. I learn something new everytime I share. I left the group and cried for the place I called home last semester. None of my Hands-On friends are in my area. I really wish I had someone close by to talk to who knows EXACTLY what I am going through so we can struggle together.
Before I left Tanzania, God told me I could only leave America after I graduated, because He has more to change and teach me before I head back. I see what he is doing and it is so difficult to stand strong. I never realized how much pride I had until I went to Kenya when I saw glimpses of my true heart.
I desperately need your prayers.
-Please remember to ask God to help me adjust back that I would not be depressed in missing Africa, but would love God where I am and serve his people here. The two months after returning back to America is harder than the first week.
-Please remember me and my roomate situation. God is really breaking me and teaching me a lot. If this is a test to prepare me for the future, I am going to need a lot of prayer in the future as well.
-Ask God to help Tanzania (and the whole continent) to be released from the evil and harassment they experience every night.
-Lift up the new Prime Minister in Zimbabwe that he will be faithful to help his people. Ask God that food, medicare, housing and jobs would once again be available to the people. Most importantly plead that they will hear the good news.

I am home

Hey guys I just wanted to let you know I am back in the country. As you can read, I had the most amazing experience of my life in Kenya. God showed me so much and changed me. I am not who I was. I was changed in more ways than I know.
I flew in last Wednesday night.
I won't talk forever, but will relay my story and possibly have time for questions. I am planning on showing a slide show of pictures too.
I am assuming I will be sharing sometime in Riverside and will let you all know when I return to school.
I fear and love God and try to live a life worthy to be called God's child.

I don't want to go back to how I was-that is the cry of my heart. According to the everyone's standards I was not a bad person, but according to God's I harbored anger, bitterness, hostility and did not have a heart like His. God was and continues to be faithful in helping me heal daily, leaving my past behind, and aiming for all I have and am to love others.
I missed you all and can not wait to hug your necks.

Thanksgiving

Hey guys I just wanted to let y'all know I had a great and comforting Thanksgiving. I was sad to not be with my family, as it was our first Thanksgiving with me away, but God comforted me with my other family and I had a great time. I went to my supervisor's house for Thanksgiving and we put up her tree and watched a Christmas movie over chaii, cookies, and pumpkin pie. My friends Jessie and Kristen came over as well and we had a great time. We drove to meet the new journeyman and sung songs all the way home. I love those girls and am very sad to be saying good bye to them this week.
Friday was a combo- Happy Thanksgiving/Birthday to Joseph party. We had all the fixings of Thanksgiving plus amazing birthday cake. He turned five and I was in charge of him, because he was with me and the other kids. I was excited to play with him, because I felt like I was playing with my brother as they are the same age.
I unexpectedly spent the night and had a great time showing Cammie, one of the girls I'm close with. I helped another couple move houses and got to welcome Becky home. She has been out of the country for six weeks and I am so glad she is back, because I have someone to mess around with and to tease. LOL, we have a great time together and we are going to miss each other like crazy when I leave. We spent the weekend with the new journeyman Jeff; he's great and we've become good friends. He is joining Becky and I in our excursions and randomness of life.

As of today I only have 12 days in Kenya. I am trying not to think about it, but it is extremely hard not to. I love you all so much and am so excited to hug your necks and to hang out, but I'm going to miss my family here. I will never have a single place I long to be. Since coming back from Zimbabwe I only want to be there. After Rwanda, I wanted to stay with my students. I have longed to go back to Tennessee to help my friend Jessica since I left in 2006. Kenya... I have lived here for four months and have made this home. America is my home country, and you all are my friends and family I grew up with I hope I never loose. As Followers of Christ, we are aliens and strangers to this world. This world is not our home, but heaven is. My family here is my family as well. The thing that holds us together is our common love of God and love for the continent of Africa. I am going to miss my African family like crazy and am already. I love all the Hands On participants as I had the priviledge of corresponding with them as they were on the field. I kept up with most of their work and had the priviledge of spending time with them all. We too have become a family even though we were spread out all over the continent.
It makes me sad to say goodbye, but I know everything is only for a season and God's timing is perfect and awesome, despite my own timing and idea of perfection.
God is good.

I love you all and can honestly say I am excited to be back with you!

Story Time

Hey guys sorry it's been so long since I've written a ministry update. A lot has been going on and I still do not know how to relay it in words.
I just finished reading a book about Spiritual Warfare and it revealed areas of my life I forgot about and even things I saw as insignificant, and showed me how those things have impacted my life and have kept me back in my ministry. Over the past couple months I have had to encounter a lot of things in my own life where I had to humble myself to forgive others and release the bonds that kept me down. God is good and faithful.
One of my favorite songs in Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin. I was just listening to it and realized how true it is in my life. I have allowed Satan to overpower me and have believed his lies too long. Small comments people made to me or about me long ago have manifested themselves into my being where that lie defined who I was. I have now claimed the blood of Jesus over my life and am free in Christ. My chains are no more and I am learning how to live this new life.

I just got back from Zimbabwe and saw great people who are suffering from the demonic authority that leads their country. The country itself was gorgeous and the people were so sweet, but their government was overly corrupt and left me angry. I went through a wide array of emotions; I started with anger and ended in tears I continue to cry. People have compared President Mugabe to Hitler and I use that analogy as well. I feel in some ways Mugabe may be worse, because his people are suffering a slow and painful death.

I was given the opportunity to hear the story of locals making due with the little they have. People are starving to death, because there is no food, little water, and electricity is scarce. My heart broke and continues to. My supervisor and I took a voice recorder. As I played back the conversations I had with nationals, I found myself in tears at how much they were suffering. I cried out to God, asking him what I should do, because the problem is bigger than myself. He told me it is my responsibility to tell their story, so I am doing that to the best of my know how.
Above: a grocery story that resembles most others in the country

Volunteers from all over Southern Africa joined together to distribute food boxes to the Tonga people in Zimbabwe. God provided 12 tons of food and we needed 50 tons more to feed the whole village. We fed over 400 families, but many more did not receive.

Every person I saw and encountered thanked God before they ever said anything to us. They were extremely grateful for what they received, but it was only a dent in their massive need. The food we gave will only last a family of six a week. What will they do then? Their money is no good and there is NO food in the stores. One man told me people were eating poisonous roots to fill their stomachs. That makes me sick. I didn't realize the effect it would have on me until I heard my supervisor Debbie relaying their hopelessness to the other people at our retreat this past weekend.
Of all people in the world, God brought me to Kenya. I was hoping to have an opportunity to go to Zim, but never told anyone. The next week Debbie tells me we are going. Of all the people there, a woman came up to me and asked if I would tell her story. I see this as an opportunity ordained by God, because I was looking for a story. She did not initially ask me for money, clothes, or food, but for prayer, to not forget her, and to tell her story. I never make promises to anyone in Africa so I do not obligate myself to do something I can not, but I promised her I would pray for her and tell her story every chance I had. Below is her story. Her name is changed to Innocent to protect her and her family.

Innocent has five kids and is a preschool teacher. Her oldest is 16 years old and her youngest is a year and a half; the kids have no shoes and maybe one change of clothes. Because she has a job, she is ineligible for government and relief aid; despite the fact she is not getting paid. Most people with a job in Zimbabwe are not showing up to work, because they are not getting paid. I met Innocent on Monday, and when we arrived on the school grounds the next day to continue our distribution she was with 30 or so little kids, singing with them and feeding them porridge provided by Save the Children. She expressed her gratitude for us being there and for the food we gave out. She told me the stores have no food, they have no money, and no seed to plant. They are hungry. Save the Children will come in but only gives to a very limited amount of people and leave mostly everyone else without.

I Remember...

I don't know why you have been in my thoughts recently. I'm on the other side of the world and did not expect to be thinking about you as I am.
It has been 10 1/2 years and I barely remember you, but I remember going out to eat with you and hanging out at grandma Jenny's, eating pizza and watching movies with you and my family on Friday nights. I remember wearing out our Selena tape on our way to LA every week to see you in the hospital and am reminded of you everytime I drive through the grapevine and pass the LA hills with the beautiful homes on top. I vividly remember visiting you in the hospital after you had chemo. Your hair fell out and you were in pain, but you always had a smile on your face and something uplifting or funny to say; you comforted us in the pain we felt for you.
I wish I wasn't afraid to sit by you or touch you when you had cancer. What was I so afraid of? I was so young.
My mom says you were like an older brother to me. My dad says you laughed hysterically when he told you I knocked over a display in petsmart when Ronie put a rubber snake in my face. I was still new to the family, but we were just as much family as blood relatives.
I miss you and think about what I remember of you. Until my 19th birthday, I thought you being 19 was what killed you, stupid I know. I was afraid to be 19, because of the perception I grew up with. Your hardest time was your last month, from what I remember, and I am exactly the same age you were when you died. Your whole life has a new perception in my eyes. I have been blessed with more than I could ever imagine and still have so much more life to live. I am living in Africa, and have visted New York, Rwanda, Hawaii and lived in the hills in Tennesee. I got out of Bakersfield and went away to my dream university and could not ask for anything more in life. I think of the things I have accomplished and the beauty I am seeing all over the world, part of me feels like I do it in your memory, because you were unable to do any of it yourself, even if you tried.
I love you and miss you. I am excited to see you again when this world passes away. I drop by your resting place when I can when I am home and tearfully update you on what's going on in my life.
I feel like I am crying as hard now as I was the night I found out you died. I don't know if I need to get over your death or remember you and thank God for blessing me with the days I have been given. I think of the joy and peace you manifested in your last days and wish to live as you did in your last days. You lived life to the fullest and did all you could with the family when you realized the disease would overtake you.
I admire you and pray that I would live the rest of my life as you did. God is good and continues to use your death to speak to me. I miss you and am excited to be greeted by you, Eddie, grandma Jenny, Aunt Blanca, and most importantly Jesus Christ when it is my turn to meet my reedemer face to face, who gave us life beyond this physical world.